Does a relationship provide you with safety, love, connection, and fulfillment? Yes, it does, but can it compensate for your sense of self perhaps not. A dilemma people often face in life is how to retain their individuality while still being in a relationship. Often people after years of marriage realize that they have lost themselves, while sacrificing their needs for others, on the contrary, some people feel like they are entitled to get all their needs fulfilled through another person. So how do you bring a balance? We discuss this at length in this blog. Online Mental Health therapy can help people and support them in maintaining healthy relationships. Embracing individuality makes a path for genuine connections and a richer, more miscellaneous world.”
Embracing individuality is key to building healthy relationships. An important clarification that is required at the start, while we all need to have an individual identity, it certainly does not mean that we can function in this world all alone, in isolation. Every time you feel like talking to someone, seeking comfort in their arms, asking for help, or wanting to be part of a relationship that doesn’t mean you are weak, in fact rejecting it means invalidation of your needs, wants, and desires. However, the concern starts when there is no demarcation between self and relationship.
While it is natural for humans to seek validation from other people, it cannot be a replacement for self-validation and self-identity. The journey begins with you and others add on to it. So how do we maintain that balance?
Some Questions to ask initially to yourself is-
1. How do I look at myself?
2. What role does my partner play in my life?
3. Besides my relationship or the roles, I play in a relationship what else comprises me?
4. When I am all by myself, how do I feel?
5. What are my needs, wants, and desires that are purely related to me as an individual?
6. Is there any need for boundaries from myself as well as others?
7. What are my expectations from my partner?
8. What are my expectations of myself?
9. What does my partner expect from me?
10. When there is any conflict in the relationship, how do I view myself and my life?
Once you begin exploring, answers to such questions, you will automatically start to notice how you and your relationship are placed in your life. These are of course anchors to get this conversation started in your mind. Embracing individuality allows us to appreciate each person’s unique assets, leading to deeper and more reliable associates.
A term that is now commonly used is ‘co-dependency’ in relationships. Often that term indicates that you only see worth in yourself when you are sacrificing your needs at the cost of the other person. The attempt is to seek their approval even when it comes with discomfort for your body. This is different from interdependence, which means people are connected to each other, however feel responsible for their own lives first and do not see themselves as worthless if they are not catering to others.
While a lot of it comes from the relationship you shared with your caregivers, and how you were loved and validated growing up, this continues to manifest in adult relationships as well. So what are some measures you can take to ensure that a sense of self is retained?
Let us look at some of them-
1. Know Yourself-
We as humans keep evolving and growing so there is no definite ending to knowing yourself. However, some basic aspects that need to be aware of include things like, your needs (including the need for boundaries), your wants, and your core values. Your values tell you the kind of actions you would take. It acts like a guideline. An example would be if you see yourself as a kind person or value kindness there is a good chance that you are likely to follow that through your actions. It is important also to differentiate all these aspects from shoulds. An example would be, a value could be being helpful, and a should could be self-sacrifice. Because should come from conditioning, it is often extreme.
In addition to such core systems, it is important to dive into your passions, interests, and aspirations What are the things you enjoy doing, and what are those things that bring you into the present and moments of stillness?
Who are your role models, and how do you imagine yourself being or doing in the future?
Such reflections make you see yourself beyond your relationships.
2. The Need for Boundaries-
While we already talked about needs briefly above, there is something unique about boundary setting. It is you claiming and taking responsibility for what is yours and eliminating what is not. It is you knowing what isn’t something you are ready to compromise on.
Communicate your needs, preferences, and limits with your partner, and advocate for yourself when necessary. Respect your boundaries, and expect the same from your partner. Healthy boundaries create a sense of safety and autonomy, allowing both individuals to flourish within the relationship.
Often even though there is a need for boundaries, either we are not aware of them or somewhere we have been taught that it is okay to sacrifice them. Once you start building that awareness and questioning those rules, it becomes easier to embracing individuality.
3. Trust Your Intuition-
Sometimes, the kind of partner we choose makes all the difference, even when you have a sense of self, there might be another person attempting to diminish you. Trust your instincts and intuition when it comes to making decisions within the relationship. Your inner wisdom can guide you towards choices that are in alignment with your authentic self.
4. Question the Terms and Conditions You Apply in Your Relationships-
Are they absolute? For instance, my partner should only spend time with me, my partner should do exactly what I tell them to do, and my partner should think how I think and feel how I want them to feel. Only when my partner tells me I have worth, do I feel worthy and confident. In contrast, it could also look like, I should always be available for my partner, I should only prioritise my partner and nothing else. All such absolutes mean that the other person must either completely change who they are or I need to change who I am.
It is also important to check how your thoughts are impacting the other person and their sense of individuality.
5. Support each other’s individuality-
Encourage and support each other’s independence and personal growth. Celebrate your partner’s achievements and milestones, and encourage them to pursue their passions and interests. Foster an environment where both partners feel empowered to thrive as individuals within the relationship. Remember, a healthy partnership is built on mutual support, encouragement, and respect for each other’s individuality.
6. Prioritize Self-Care-
Self-care is foundational to maintaining individuality and overall well-being. Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine, and prioritize activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul. Whether it is practicing mindfulness, engaging in physical exercise, or spending time alone, carve out moments for self-renewal and rejuvenation. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup, so prioritize self-care as a means of replenishing your energy and sustaining your individuality.
7. Seek Support When Needed:
Do not hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if you are feeling overwhelmed or disconnected from yourself in the relationship. External perspective and guidance can help you get clarity and navigate challenges more effectively. At the same time, identify the strengths that help you through tough situations.
When you strive for mutual growth and development it strengthens your bond while allowing you to evolve as individuals. Within the relationship support each other’s personal goals and aspirations, and embark on shared experiences that challenge and inspire you both. This way, embracing individuality strengthens our relationships and helps us live more genuinely and peacefully.
An Important Note,
it is understandable that when you have aimed to survive, especially in an unhealthy environment and you are driven by fear, you take on a method that keeps you afloat. So suddenly when you read the above strategies it may seem difficult initially and especially uncomfortable. The first step always is acknowledgment with compassion. Slowly it becomes easier when you start reflecting and practicing instead of forcing yourself.
Seeking therapy also helps you through this difficult path, helps you build self-esteem, confidence, and worth as well as helps improve your relationship. So we found out that Embracing individuality is key to strong relationships, as it helps us honor each person’s unique qualities, in this blog.
"Embracing who you are before Couples Therapy helps create a strong and healthy relationship, where both you and your partner can grow together."
Remember no one can fill a space, that is yours to begin with!
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