How to Change Some ones Mind Effectively

Alan011

posted on 3 days ago — updated on 1 second ago

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How to Change Some ones Mind Effectively about “changing people’s minds” sounds like it will be a waste of my time, but I enjoyed it so much that I recommend people dedicate at least 20 minutes of their spare time to it.

Briefly, here is how the story goes:

As you’ll discover, Daryl Davis is not simply an American musician; he is a black one. His skin color, as you will see, tells the story. He wanted to figure out why certain people are racists. In his words, he wished to discover, “How can you hate me when you don’t even know me?”

Davis is one of the few people who would unlike most of us flabbergasted by racist idiots who join rage bandwagons of violence without context. They expressed their outrage and set out to assume that all racists are devoid of logic, blind to the reasons, and owe their foolishness to unsubstantiated beliefs – which, to put it kindly, isn’t exactly uncontroversial from a world-view point. Talk it out was Davis’s appealingly calm choice.

Davis’s infamous “them” was a group that exists for the sole purpose of hating on people, the Ku Klux Klan. He made an appointment with one Klan leader but asked the secretary not to mention that Daryl was black to the KKK.

When Kelly walked in the room, everything got uncomfortably silent, but as always, Daryl went ahead with his interview. In the years to come, the two became some sort of friends and, because of that, Kelly would frequently visit Daryl’s house for family dinner.

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1. How to Change Some ones Mind Effectively

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Roger Kelly, who was the national leader of the KKK, until this point never had a problem with Daryl. Just for listening and trying to understand the other side, Davis made Kelly quit the KKK, and many members after him.

That is certainly the most remarkable story I have encountered in… probably my entire life.

While it is true that the story does deserve attention, there is something bigger that all of us should pay attention to. Hate stems from the fear of the unknown, Daryl claimed. Both sides were able to educate each other, and that meant getting close to working with the KKK.

When that happens, so does the phobia that fuels hatred, thus removing hatred altogether.

Why Attempting to Prove Someone Wrong Is Typically Ineffective

It doesn’t matter how many times we publicly proclaim our disavowance of any form of racism; no amount of self-attitude will allow us to effectuate real change. Ingrained negative attitudes do give way to meaningful action, but in our case, all we do is complain about racists, insult them, and go on protesting their existence. None of those actions result in any change to the mindset of such people. If anything, it only makes things worse.

In their view, others simply lack an understanding of their perspective. They tend to stubbornly hold onto their beliefs and are more likely to strengthen them, even when presented with compelling evidence that thoroughly debunks them.

This is known as the retrospective effect. This phenomenon occurs when you are given more information that contradicts something you are inclined to believe. Rather than reacting positively, you’re more likely to respond with some variation of, “No, that’s absolute fake news; this statement in fact proves my point!”

While illogical, many of us rely heavily on our pride and have a really tough time accepting defeat. The concept of being self-aware actually exists, and can somewhat accurately be described as a skill.

In case you really want to change someone’s mind about a certain topic, I recommend doing as much research on their beliefs as possible. Painful as it may be, this is exactly what Daryl did and precisely why he accomplished so much. It is the understanding of the other person, no matter how illogical their beliefs seem, will foreshadow the possibility in changing that person’s mind.

Nobody thinks that they are crazy and the reason behind it is their way of thinking. What seems outrageous for you does make sense for them. If they are ever required to change their mind regarding their stance, one needs to understand where they are seated.

This is called empathy and in all honesty, it is something that we need to govern the social world. This aspect of human interaction and human life is so vital that I dedicated an entire chapter of my book called The Social Gladiator, which acts as a guide for social insecurities, on this very idea.

Empathy goes beyond merely feeling emotions on behalf of another person. In this case, you literally have to stand in their shoes and take into account that due to their past experiences, they have incalculably different values, perceptions, and worldviews compared to you.

When you mock or belittle someone’s opinion, there is a high likelihood they will become more entrenched in their viewpoint. This stems from the fight or flight response to perceived attacks.

In some cases, such as in more recent studies, causing someone to feel as though their viewpoint is being discredited inflicts mental anguish rivaling that of physical harm. Given these attacks (whether direct or indirect) on one’s identity and belief system, defending oneself becomes paramount.

So How Do You Go About Actually Changing Their Mind?

Understanding comes from real effort, wherein the ‘better’ worldview is presented to render a person powerless with facts, data, reasoning, and critical thinking paired with empathy.

One individual who perfectly embodies this is Jordan Peterson, the University of Toronto’s clinical psychologist, and controversial figure. Peterson has mastered the art of active explaining in around someone’s position, so much so that he nearly changed their mind while doing so. This was made apparent in his now-infamous interview with Cathy Newman where he sought to understand why she believed what she did and why he had to explain his side in her terms.

Next time you find yourself arguing with someone, give them the courtesy of listening as though you understand them.

Even when you know without a doubt that you are correct (as in the case of the notion that racism is bad), try to consider the individual’s perspective. Not agreeing doesn’t mean you can’t try to see how someone views the world and why they believe what they do.

Certainly, this is not a one size fits all solution for the deconstruction of someone’s views and beliefs. Ultimately, each individual has to make the choice of wanting to change their perspectives. This method merely increases the chances of an individual being more receptive to that change.

As Daryl explained, there is no fighting between two foes who are engaged in a conversation. It is when the conversation ends that the fighting begins. So talk more.