The most effective approach to use music to recover after a breakup
The most effective approach to use music to recover after a breakup
Songs like this one from Ariana Grande, which is reflective but joyous and upbeat, can make us feel connected and empowered after a relationship ends.

 

Songs like this one from Ariana Grande, which is reflective but joyous and upbeat, can make us feel connected and empowered after a relationship ends.

 

Even if Sinead O'Connor's Nothing Compares 2U or Roxette's It Must Have Been Love are more your style, understanding why music has such an emotional impact means you may unlock the use of music for getting over an ex.

 

We asked five Australian songwriters how they used music to get over a breakup.

According to an expert in music perception and cognition interviewed by ABC Everyday, your choice of music affects the effectiveness of its healing.

Moving on from music science

"Music-evoked sadness... contributes to wellbeing by providing consolation and regulating negative moods and emotions," the scientists said.

 

According to psychology Professor Bill Thompson of Macquarie University, listening to music for amusement is not the same as utilising it to manage our emotions.

 

Professor Thompson is the author of Music, Thought, and Feeling: Understanding the Psychology of Music, which examines the importance of music in our lives.

Music, he claims, is an excellent approach for helping us get through difficult times because it releases a variety of neurochemicals, such as dopamine, and activates emotional parts of the brain that other hobbies, such as reading or gaming, do not.

 

According to Professor Thompson, music is a highly efficient technique to feel connected with other people and thus deal with loneliness.

However, he warns that listening to music that reflects difficult emotions can have unintended consequences.

"Rumination is something that people are prone to." It's comforting because you're used to walking over old ground, but it's not a good approach for moving forward," he explains.

"Yu're nursing the wound, thinking this is so awful, and there is comfort just going right inside that negative feeling."

He says reframing, rather than ruminating, is most likely to help you through a difficult time.

"Change the meaning that you have constructed out of the event … Build up your sense of identity and listen to light musicthat has personal meaning and has been with you for a long time — that defines who you are."

Cognitive behavioural therapy and mind-opening

Another reason to listen to music that helps you reframe rather than ruminate is because "when we start nursing a negative thought, it becomes like a groove in a record that you replay over and over."

Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) is a psychological treatment that assists in the modification of negative beliefs and actions.

"CBT is really about getting you out of that rut and reframe and broadening your ability to think openly," he explains.

"Music can help you think more constructively about your future plans and other people who love you, rather than thinking 'I can't believe I was betrayed that way,' and repeating that thought like a broken record."

Claire Anne, one of the songwriters, explains that while she writes music for herself, she feels her work takes on new significance when it benefits others.

 

"I've received emails from people all over the world who have used my song, My Mother The Mountain, at their mothers' funerals."



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